It's 10:24 pm.
I should be working on my studies, reading my books, or working on my class problems. But I can't.
For two reasons.
There's been tension between my mom and myself -- but it's one sided. It's usually her just saying the usual mean things all Pakistani mothers say --- but it's been bothering me lately. The random cuss words thrown by Pakistani women I am used to --- it's a way of life whenever they're angry -- and it doesn't matter if you're a daughter or son -- no one is spared from these.
But I'm sensitive. I know I am. So when she said "Learn the ways of this house or get out" I was taken back. How am I to respond? I just came home... 3 hours ago from school - and had done absolutely nothing.
Or maybe I'm just being extra sensitive because of what happened today. Today, there were bombings during the Boston Marathon. Horrible, senseless bombings. It really pierces my heart when I hear that innocent people -- such as the eight year old -- were killed because of something like this.
In July 2012, we learned that movie theaters are no longer safe
In August 2012, we learned that places of worship are no longer safe
In December 2012, we learned that elementary schools are no longer safe
Today, we learn that there is no such thing as safety.
The Boston Marathon bombs happened during the day, in the public square - a normal street.
Maybe I'm just sensitive -- but I think there's no reason to wait for the end of the world. The senseless, ruthless violence just means... it's already here.
Caramel
(Don't feel bad about the mom comment. I love my mother very much, it's just tough love.... is tough).
Monday, April 15, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
It's been 3 months...
Hi online diary --- journal --- what have you,
It's been three months.
I haven't written because I've been overwhelmed. There were days when I wanted to write, but could never make time. There's a saying that goes: "if you find value in something, you will find time for it." That is not true. There are things called responsibilities and burdens and sleep, and even if you find value in something, you know you have to put it on the backseat... for now at least.
To sum up January - March: it's been rough, testing, overwhelming, but a hint of sweet in the last week.
The day before New Years (December 30, 2012), I had the unfortunate luck to catch the stomach flu. For anyone who has had this, it is physically draining. For the next 8-10 days, I was completely out of it. The first days were marked by numerous vomiting (6-7 times a day) -- and so no food was in my body. Just from that experience alone, I lost 10 pounds.
Then, as I was healing, we found out my dad lost his job. This was a huge shocker. He came home, dejected and upset. Losing a job is tough. It's even worse when you're a man -- it hits your ethos a ton. But --- when you're also a provider; a husband and a father -- it's embarrassing. We tried to console him and tell him that things like this happen. It's normal, that he'll find another job. That the economy is recovering, and things will pick up.
But we know the truth. This economy isn't getting better that quickly. And it's not the loss of income that is going to be tough - it's the lack of benefits - the loss of health insurance. For someone who just came out of the stomach flu, this was a scary thing to think about. Both my parents take about 3-4 medications each, and I'm no Hercules when it comes to strength. We rely on the pharmaceutical and health care industry. And those industries are ridiculously expensive. So, I've been trying to tie up loose ends with all of that... my dad is still looking for a job, and I can sense that he's getting annoyed staying at home.
I turned a year older during this period, but I didn't care. What's the use of celebrating another year that passes by. Maybe it's because of these difficult times, that I've become somewhat depressing and pessimistic. Or maybe I'm just becoming realistic.
Or maybe it's the fact that one of my classmates passed. The amount of ache and pain I felt --- not enough to put into words...
Whatever the case, life is rough. Much more has gone on, and my heart hates to spill all at once. Maybe another day.
Caramel
It's been three months.
I haven't written because I've been overwhelmed. There were days when I wanted to write, but could never make time. There's a saying that goes: "if you find value in something, you will find time for it." That is not true. There are things called responsibilities and burdens and sleep, and even if you find value in something, you know you have to put it on the backseat... for now at least.
To sum up January - March: it's been rough, testing, overwhelming, but a hint of sweet in the last week.
The day before New Years (December 30, 2012), I had the unfortunate luck to catch the stomach flu. For anyone who has had this, it is physically draining. For the next 8-10 days, I was completely out of it. The first days were marked by numerous vomiting (6-7 times a day) -- and so no food was in my body. Just from that experience alone, I lost 10 pounds.
Then, as I was healing, we found out my dad lost his job. This was a huge shocker. He came home, dejected and upset. Losing a job is tough. It's even worse when you're a man -- it hits your ethos a ton. But --- when you're also a provider; a husband and a father -- it's embarrassing. We tried to console him and tell him that things like this happen. It's normal, that he'll find another job. That the economy is recovering, and things will pick up.
But we know the truth. This economy isn't getting better that quickly. And it's not the loss of income that is going to be tough - it's the lack of benefits - the loss of health insurance. For someone who just came out of the stomach flu, this was a scary thing to think about. Both my parents take about 3-4 medications each, and I'm no Hercules when it comes to strength. We rely on the pharmaceutical and health care industry. And those industries are ridiculously expensive. So, I've been trying to tie up loose ends with all of that... my dad is still looking for a job, and I can sense that he's getting annoyed staying at home.
I turned a year older during this period, but I didn't care. What's the use of celebrating another year that passes by. Maybe it's because of these difficult times, that I've become somewhat depressing and pessimistic. Or maybe I'm just becoming realistic.
Or maybe it's the fact that one of my classmates passed. The amount of ache and pain I felt --- not enough to put into words...
Whatever the case, life is rough. Much more has gone on, and my heart hates to spill all at once. Maybe another day.
Caramel
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