Hi online diary --- journal --- what have you,
It's been three months.
I haven't written because I've been overwhelmed. There were days when I wanted to write, but could never make time. There's a saying that goes: "if you find value in something, you will find time for it." That is not true. There are things called responsibilities and burdens and sleep, and even if you find value in something, you know you have to put it on the backseat... for now at least.
To sum up January - March: it's been rough, testing, overwhelming, but a hint of sweet in the last week.
The day before New Years (December 30, 2012), I had the unfortunate luck to catch the stomach flu. For anyone who has had this, it is physically draining. For the next 8-10 days, I was completely out of it. The first days were marked by numerous vomiting (6-7 times a day) -- and so no food was in my body. Just from that experience alone, I lost 10 pounds.
Then, as I was healing, we found out my dad lost his job. This was a huge shocker. He came home, dejected and upset. Losing a job is tough. It's even worse when you're a man -- it hits your ethos a ton. But --- when you're also a provider; a husband and a father -- it's embarrassing. We tried to console him and tell him that things like this happen. It's normal, that he'll find another job. That the economy is recovering, and things will pick up.
But we know the truth. This economy isn't getting better that quickly. And it's not the loss of income that is going to be tough - it's the lack of benefits - the loss of health insurance. For someone who just came out of the stomach flu, this was a scary thing to think about. Both my parents take about 3-4 medications each, and I'm no Hercules when it comes to strength. We rely on the pharmaceutical and health care industry. And those industries are ridiculously expensive. So, I've been trying to tie up loose ends with all of that... my dad is still looking for a job, and I can sense that he's getting annoyed staying at home.
I turned a year older during this period, but I didn't care. What's the use of celebrating another year that passes by. Maybe it's because of these difficult times, that I've become somewhat depressing and pessimistic. Or maybe I'm just becoming realistic.
Or maybe it's the fact that one of my classmates passed. The amount of ache and pain I felt --- not enough to put into words...
Whatever the case, life is rough. Much more has gone on, and my heart hates to spill all at once. Maybe another day.
Caramel
